SCENE #1: BEGIN WITH STATIC SHOT...
CHARLIE AT DESK. BACKDROP OF CITY.
Static Sound
Charlie: “Before long a standard news report visual language established himself, one that is majorly recognizable to anyone. Me…has this report.”
SCENE #2 FAR AWAY VIEW OF SKYSCRAPERS IN DUSK.
Charlie: "It starts here. With a lackluster establishing shot of a significant location."
SCENE #3 CHARLIE WALKING IN CENTER OF BUSTLING STREET TOWARD CAMERA.
Charlie: "Next a walking, talkie preamble from the autor, pacing steadily towards the lens, punctuating every other sentence with a hand gesture, and ignoring all the pricks milling around him like hes gliding through the fucking matrix before coming to a halt and posing a question: what comes next."
SCENE#4 FUZZY SHOT OF PEDESTRIANS CROSSING BRIDGE. ANGULAR ARCHITECTURAL SHOT OF BUILDINGS...
PEOPLE WALKING OVER BRIDGE WITH SIGNIFICANT BUILDING IN BACKGROUND. TURNS BLACK AND WHITE-SCREEN READS “FACTS APPEAR ONE BY ONE ON THE SCREEN.”
Charlie V/O: "Often something like this, a fellow shot designed to give your eyes something to look at while my voice babbles on about facts, sometimes it will slow down to a halt and monochrome and some of those facts will appear one by one on the screen.”
SCENE#5 OVERLY OBESE PEOPLE SHOT, NO FACES SHOWN...
OVERWEIGHT FACELESS PEOPLE SHOT...
FLY TO ANOTHER OBESE PERSON SHOT, WADDLING DOWN THE BUSY STREET...
YET ANOTHER FAT SHOT...
AND ANOTHER FAT SHOT...
AND ANOTHER FAT SHOT.
Charlie V/O: "This is followed by the obligatory shots of overweight people with their faces subtly framed out. After which the report is padded out with a selection of lazy and pointless vox pos."
SCENE #6 HEAD SHOT OF RANDOM MAN BEING ASKED A QUESTION-USES HALF OF SCREEN.
Random Woman #1: "Umm, usually get some inane chatter from people."
SCENE #7 SAME HEAD SHOT OF INTERVIEWED WOMAN.
Random Woman #1: "Think they do have too much, I think what we wanna hear is actually whats happening and not what other people think of it."
SCENE #8 HEAD SHOT OF OLDER BALDED MAN.
Random Bald Man: "I..I hate these sigmn sound mates tha..that ta I..I don't want some bunter's opinion usually. No."
SCENE #9 SHOT OF CROWDED STREET-USE SPEED-UP EFFECTS...
DIFFERENT ANGLE AND SHOT OF STREET-BUSY WITH PEOPLE AND USING SPEED-UP EFFECT...
CROSS WALK BUTTON FRAMED IN ONE HALF OF SCREEN, IN OTHER HALF BUSTLING SHOT OF SPED-UP PEDESTRIANS.
Charlie V/O: “Another bit of dull abstraction to plug another gap now before the report seg-ways gracefully into a bit of human interest courtesy of some dowdy man opening letters in a kitchen and explaining how he has been affected by the issue.”
SCENE #10 DOWDY MAN IN KITCHEN AT TABLE...
SAME MAN, CLOSER INTERVIEW SHOT OF HIS FACE, HIS TITLE IN RED UNDERNEATH HIM ON SCREEN...
CLOSE SHOT OF HIS MAIL IN HAND, PAN UP TO HIS FACE...
BACK TO CLOSE INTERVIEW SHOT OF FACE OF DOWDY MAN.
Dowdy Man: “When I’m watching the news I don’t really, ya know, there’s a person talking to me telling me what’s going on and I don’t really listen to what they’re saying. Its just news. Its just news.”
SCENE #11 SKIP TO COMPUTER-MADE GRAPH ON GRAY GRAPH PAPER BACKGROUND...
ON SAME BACKGROUND, SHOW SILHOUETTE OF SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE, THE WORD ‘AVERAGE’ SLAPPED ACROSS THEM IN BOLD, RED LETTERS, INCREASING IN SIZE AS CHARLIE SPEAKS...
LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER BEING BEHEADED BY A LASER BEAM-BLACK AND WHITE EXPECT FOR THE RED LASER BEAM.
Charlie V/O: “He unfortunately was boring so to wake you up this is an animated chart, this is a silhouette representing the average family and this is a lighthouse keeper being beheaded by a laser beam.”
SCENE #12 ILLUSTRATIVE SHOT OF LADY IN BUSY STREET, LOOKING AT HER CAMERA...
MAN WALKS PAST CAMERA, SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT SHOT OF SAME LADY, DIFFERENT PEOPLE BUSTLING AROUND HER...
GROUND SHOT OF PEDESTRIANS CROSSING BRICK WALKWAY, NO FACES SHOWN...
SIGN SHOT...
INTRIGUING PIPE AT A WINDOW SHOT.
Charlie V/O: “As we near the end of the report illustrative shots of pedestrians and signs and a pipe at a window.”
SCENE #13 CHARLIE IN CENTER OF SCREEN, PEOPLE IN STREET BEHIND HIM GOING ABOUT THEIR DAY. CAMERA SLIDES UP THE WALL BEHIND HIM TO LAND ON A STREET SIGN “REGENT STREET.”
Charlie: “And then the final summary; ending on a whimsical shot of something nearby, accompanied by a rise sign off.”
Charlie V/O: “If you’re lucky a bit of word play fit for a king or in other words, Regent Street. Charlie Brooker, Newswipe, London.“
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